We are now halfway through September, which means:
- Summertime is soon-to-be dead and gone
- Pumpkin spiced lattes are in the horizon
- The trees be getting their foliage on soon
- People got their summer finale in by doing something for Labor Day Weekend
And with the Labor Day Weekend celebrations, came the commuting/tourist holiday rush that proliferated Penn Station (among other NYC travel hubs).
Ya boyy, Nick From NY, just so happened to travel through Penn Station on this very weekend. During Ya boyy’s travels, I couldn’t help but find myself faced with a smorgasbord of people and things that drive me absolutely batshit crazy.
So in light of these recent obstacles and thoughts (and my desire to use old content from the back of my mind to continue my ease back into the groove), let us comb through a little list of sorts things that Nick From NY fucking hates:
#1) People who aggressively swing their arms while they walk
Hey assholes… it’s not making you go any faster. It’s not making you look any sexier, cooler, or Gisele-ish. All it fucking does is impede on my ability to walk by you while increasing the chance that I randomly get smacked straight in the balls, thus ultimately decreasing my sperm count, which in turn would dampen my ability to have children.
Bill Gluckman may be down with the bitches and hoes, but he is not down with violent sack tapping.
#2) People with rollie-bags
I swear to fucking god, if there was one thing from this earth, that wasn’t actually important (i.e. cancer, international warfare, global poverty and starvation), it’d be fucking rollie-bags.
Yo forreal, I can respect your rollie game if you are suffering some physical impairment or are lugging around multiple bags. But to role some tiny-ass, whack-ass rollie-bag in the middle of fucking Penn Station, with hundreds of thousands of people flowing through second by second, you gotta be some mega asshole.
PS: something about using the word “mega” always makes me giggle.
PS 2: Mega Man was/is dope.
#3) People that can’t use a ticket machine quickly
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. I will never understand why there are hundreds of people out there that take 5-10 seconds to choose between “Yes” or “No” when prompted with the question of whether or not they want a receipt. This type of ineptitude should not be tolerated.
I for one, would be down with submitting inefficient train-ticket-purchasers into a real life Hunger Games situation. This would not only kill-off the inefficient douchebags, but also bring back much stronger and efficient individuals via the winners.
#4) People who stop right in the middle of traffic, whether it be to answer a call or text, or to just look in the sky like a fucking Simple Jack buffoon.
You know who you are.
#5) Penn Station
Traversing through Penn Station on a holiday weekend, especially a summertime holiday weekend, is like walking through the pits of hell… with no shoes on.