Ya boy hasn’t brought the ruckus in terms of Game Of Thrones chatter since Episode 3 of this season. Coming off one of the more wild, intense, and ridiculously expensive Thrones episodes ever, and heading into the Season 6 finale, I thought it might be a good time to spit some real. That, and the fact that it looks like The MD is having a Sunday-Funday and hasn’t done his weekly “Before The Thrones” post yet (oops).
Warning: Ya boy is a hardbody book-reader. I’m not going to go HAM on any material that’s been included in the books that hasn’t been depicted in the show yet, but please note some things may slip through the cracks. Obviously, everything said will be for people 100% caught up on the show.
#1) That was an awesome fucking episode.
I haven’t thought about it too much over the past week, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that “Battle of the Bastards” was 1 of the 10 best Game of Thrones episodes ever. Anytime HBO and the Thrones writers dedicate an entire episode to a giant battle(s), major expectations emerge. Expectations were met. Expectations were exceeded.
The Battle of Slaver’s Bay was thrilling to watch, but the battle between the Starks and Boltons was simply epic and unprecedented. The battle for nothern supremacy stood out for 2 key reasons:
- The vantage point at which viewers were able to see Jon Snow’s battle experiences was incredible. It was gritty. It was claustrophobic. And unless you don’t have a pulse, it probably made you feel like you were there in the mud with Jon.
- The vantage point at which viewers were able to see the Bolton army execute its military strategy and positioning. This elment of war is rarely depicted in film/television, and I thought it was fascinating to see it take place. You could almost feel Jon’s desperation growing with each step closer the Bolton army took toward the surrounded Stark army.
Basically, the director was incredible as fuck.
#2) Gotta feel terrible for Tyrion right now. The dwarf did a respectably solid job presiding over Meereen in Dany’s absence. As a stranger to a foreign land, Tyrion did an impressive job of balancing all o the various egos/personalities that exist in the political game. Unfortunately for him, when Dany decided to return from her Dothraki Family Vacation, shit was in disarray. Not sure what this means now for e going forward. It would obviously be a mistake for Dany to toss him aside thinking that he is an inept and untrustworthy leader. But then again, Dany has done much dumber shit over the past 6 years then that.
#3) Thank fucking god Dany didn’t just triumphantly mount her dragon and do absolutely fucking nothing. We’ve had a few too many trite/annoying motivational speeches from Khaleesi from the backs of her dragons as of late. It’s about damn time she took action and wrecked shop. Burn baby burn.
At this point, with the addition of Yara and Theon’s fleet, you’d have to think that last Targaryen has the most formidable and well-round army (the 3 giant dragons help a lot).
#4) WHAT THE FUCK RICKON!? That was some JV / rookie-beotch shit. I mean…
YA GOTTA ZIG. YA GOTTA ZAG.
#5) I’m pumped Tormund Giantsbane didn’t die. That woulda been a tough pill to swallow. Tormund has totes become Jon’s de facto right-hand-man and my de facto favorite secondary character.
Sidenote: If Tormund ever does die in the show, at least we’ll always be able to see him in those ridiculous Wyndham commercials.
#6) Watching Jon nearly suffocate while getting trampled by a stampede of fleeing soldiers was suffocating. Amazing visuals when he finally reached fresh air.
#7) Unlike Joffrey’s sudden and unexpected death, Ramsay’s death was as brutal, excruciating, and rewarding as any viewer could have possibly hoped.
With that in mind, don’t be surprised if the showrunners do some whack-ass shit that rips out the heart of Thrones die-hards during tonight’s finale.
#8) OH MY FUCKING GOD. ANOTHER LAST MINUTE RESCUE MISSION FROM A MASSIVE AND OVERPOWERING ARMY. WHAT A SURPRISE AND HUGE PLOT TWIST.
Seriously, I couldn’t have been the only one that didn’t see some giant army coming to the Jon’s rescue (though I wasn’t sure who it would be). After bringing the main character back from the fucking dead just a few episodes earlier, there’s no way in hell the show writers were going to kill him off again.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy Jon is still alive to more ass, but Jesus this act is getting played out as fuck. As a reminder, 2 of the other 3 full-battle-episodes featured a last-minute rescue mission from an overwhelmingly powerful army. In “The Blackwater”, Tywin Lannister arrived last-minute to save the Lannisters and keep Cersei from poisoning herself and Tommen. In “Watchers On The Wall”, Stannis Baratheon arrived last-minute to save The Night’s Watch from losing to Mance Rayder and his wildling army.
I’m going to be butthurt as fuck if this happens again in the next full-battle-episode.
Thoughts for tonight’s finale:
#1) Davos is finna crack some skulls.
Princess Shereen was Davos’ de facto child, as he lost his in at The Blackwater and built a deep relationship with Stannis’ child over the past 5 years. Now that Davos knows that Shereen was burnt to a crisp in a psychotic and desperate act of blood magic, there’s no doubt The Onion Knight is going to confront Mellisandre.
I can’t imagine both Davos and Mellisandre come out of Season 6 alive.
#2) I guess the focus group feedback for Dorne and the Sand Snakes was so fucking bad that the show writers just scrapped them from the story.
I mean, that would be the only logical explanation. The showrunners killed off Prince Martell and haven’t returned yet (FYI, not only is the Prince still alive in the books, but his brother Quentyn is off doing relatively cool shit as well). So much for that storyline, I guess.
#3) Can we please get an Arya and The Hound reunion!?
This is the greatest tag-team in the entire six season catalogue of Game of Thrones episodes. It’d be a damn shame to deprive fans of that sure-to-be entertaining and curb-stomping reunion.
#4) *This is a spoilery one that only book-readers would understand*
Based on: the return of The Hound, the return of the Brotherhood Without Banners, the return of the Blackfish, and Jamie’s and Brienne’s current geographical location, it looks like HBO will be sticking to an important storyline and plot development that occurs in the books and that many readers assumed would be skipped over.
All I have have left for you are two words: LADY STONEHEART.