Review: Bill Simmons’ “Any Given Wednesday” 

Ok. We wasted a half hour of our lives last night so we can let y’all know what’s good with Billy Boy Simmons’ new HBO show “Any Given Wednesday”. Here’s some quick thoughts on how the show went for y’all to peep:

#1) The studio set

The set for Any Given Sunday looks like a giant expensive man-cave…. If that man-cave was designed by Pottery Barn. And if you’re a douche.

Seriously, is it really necessary to have over 100 different little cheesy fake props lying all over his giant (most likely overpaid-for) studio!? The newspaper in the front of the camera that just read “SPORTS” was some of the whackest shit I’ve ever seen.

Also, how much did HBO fucking spend on this tacky looking thing? It looked like a rip-off of Charlie Sheen’s Malibu home in “Two and a Half Men” (note the cheesy fake bamboo outside the fake window). While Simmons had a 30 minute show, it somehow featured him sitting or standing around about 5 different set pieces. Talk about trying to make a talk show seem less talk-show-y.


AnyGivenWednesdaySet.jpg


#2) What the fuck is good with the camera angles movement? 

I get that Simmons and his crew are trying to dress-up this thang up and make it seem like it’s not just another talk show, but c’mon son. The camera movement and cuts throughout the show were almost epileptic-seizure-inducing. The bizarre/creepy camera action started with a weird ass pan during Billy Boy’s opening monologue.

 
#3) Speaking of Simmons’ opening monologue…. while it was pretty solid and kinda entertaining, it probably would have been better in just a long-form written article (something Simmons does significantly better than he does television). And you know why?

 

#4) Simmons sounds like just as big a nasally wiener that he has for the past 10 years. Unfortunately, even the premium network HBO couldn’t mask how much of a fucking dork Billy Boy is and how lame he seemed (just think the exact opposite of Bill Maher’s confidence and  delivery, regardless of how you feel about him).

 

#5) Charles Barkley is still the fucking man. Sir Charles made it pretty clear that he was only on the show due to either Turner’s relationship with HBO and/or a fat-ass pay check.


#6) Isn’t this supposed to be a new and innovative show? Well, if so, then why did the first 30-minutes of Any Given Wednesday spend time discussing “Is LeBron in the top-5 ever”, “Deflategate”, Teen Wolf references, and the played-out-as-fuck “championship belt” concept. Any shmuck that’s read Simmons for a month could’ve done that.

 

 

#7) Ben Affleck does not look too good.

Not only was the entire Ben Affleck segment super awkward, lame, and excruciatingly drawn out, Affleck did himself no favors. Not only did Affleck seem depressed as fuck, he also seemed either bloated with massive amounts of booze or like he just received some Botox injections.

 


 

#8) The best part of the entire show was the segue section about Steph Curry’s commercials that went down between the Barkley and Affleck segments. And you know why? Because it was witty, funny, and seemed 100% thought-of and written by Simmons’ super expensive crew of writers from legendary institutions such as “The Daily Show”.

 

Based on Simmons’s recent signs of slipping up, this trite and relatively lame premier episode was not a good start.

 

Stay tuned.

 

 

 

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