Is Anything Sacred Anymore?: Urinals

“Is Anything Sacred Anymore” may or may not be an ongoing thematic “piece” that No Filter Network’s spits whenever it needs to get somethin’ off its chest. That said, this is wholly dependent on our consistent writing and/or our ability to have intellectual breakthroughs and hot motherfucking takes.

Le’doit: 

For our first “Is Anything Sacred Anymore”, we finna tackle the hotly debated issue of URINALS. Yes, urinals. And no, this ain’t relative to the ongoing transgender bathroom-law issues that Emperor Obama has attempted to force on state governments (whole ‘nother time and place for that one). Nah son, we just feel the need to preach a bit about the destruction of urinal etiquette and how it has the potential to fuck up modern society as we know it.

What really has us grinding our gears about the modern-day urinal game is the epidemic of widespread loose pubes. Nah son, we ain’t even worked up about the freaks/weirdos at work who decide to piss next to you when there’re plenty of other motherfucking open urinals in the public bathroom. That shit is so early-2000’s. Not even: this pube thang is on another mo-fuckin’ level. 

 

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Not our pubes. Not our photo.

 

If you are a dude (or someone that uses mens bathrooms on a consistent basis [#WhatATimeToBeAlive that this qualifier exists]), we’re sure that you’ve been at least slightly aware of the growing plight that innocent Americans are faced with now-a-days when walking up to a urinal to let loose from the main-drain-vein.

The urinal, which was once a sanctuary of tranquility and chill for all those living lives that they don’t want to live (picture the dude that is literally hugging the wall while he pisses), has been hijacked by some must-be mutant-ish Planet of the Apes kinda mo-fuckers. Seriously though, how the hell do these pubes keep falling onto urinals across America?!? Forreal, man-scaping aside (because yes, we’ve seen some long-ass pubes), we simply can’t fathom how the hell all these loose pubes be hopping out of dudes’ flys as if they’re running away from some smelly-ass sausage…

(interlude) 

Writing this just got us worked up as fuck. For our personal health, we’re finna stop freestylin’ on the epidemic of urinal-pubes and let the above real-talk speak for itself. We’ll be sure to update you on our ongoing battles with rogue/deadly pubes chillin’ on urinals and such.

In the meantime, we found solace in the fact that others around the internet have been spreading the message of pubes’ undercover war against American culture and society:

 

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(I know, I know, Stark Trek and The Big Lebowski are both the shit).

 

WE OUT HERE.

 

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One thought on “Is Anything Sacred Anymore?: Urinals

  1. Pingback: Reason #1 That Americans Are Not Curing Cancer | NO FILTER NETWORK

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