Trump Went Full Jimmy Chitwood In Indiana

ICYMI: Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders came away with big wins in Indiana this past Tuesday (May 3rd). Trump dominated the Republican Indiana Primary and issued a straight up campaign-curb-stomp to Ted Cruz’s and John Kasich’s presidential campaigns. Let’s tackle what went down real quick within the Republican Party:

Just a mere month ago, many media fuckbois (political pundits) believed the Trump Train was slowing down and on the decline. Not only that, political analysts believed it was becoming a mathematical impossibility for Trump to win the required 1,237 dellies to earn the nomination before the Republican National Convention. In fact, we even questioned it ourselves.




But like Jimmy Chitwood defied everyone’s expectations and rallied Hickory High School to a victory in “Hoosiers”, Donald Trump has once again surprised everyone and ripped off a major winning streak. Since losing to Cruz in Wisconsin, DonDon peeled off 7 state victories in a row, which included major delegate-holders such as New York and Indiana.




Donald won over the hearts of Indianians(?) and has basically jumped the Trump Train into LIGHTSPEED (see above for definition).


GOP Indiana Results.png


As you can see, Trump came in first by a 16.6% margin and took home all 57 delegates during the Indiana Republican Primary. This was a major blow to Ted Cruz, who was expected to win in Indiana less than a month ago. The results from Indiana were a bitchslap of reality to the Cruz Campaign. With no other competition than Kasich, Cruz was faced with the emphatic truth that Republican voters overwhelmingly prefer The Donald to him. No longer could the Cruz Campaign point to a large field of candidates that ultimately diluted his numbers. No, a majority of Americans continued to find Alf and his campaign slimy and unappealing.

Following this major wake-up call, Ted Cruz has suspended his campaign and dropped out of the race for the Republican Presidential Nomination. On the bright side, this was only the 3rd worst thing to happen to Cruz an his campaign this week

As for Kasich, well, there’s nothing really to say that about Johnny Boy and his campaign that we haven’t already covered. Kasich has failed to win any state other than his own (Ohio) and has been mathematically eliminated from the race for a while now. Considering the delegate-impossibilities that Kasich has faced, his campaign has basically been lighting donor money on fire for an extended period of time (I guess donors deserve to have their money burned if they support a candidate that has no chance of winning). The only reason for John Kasich to remain in the race as long as he has either:

  1. Hoped his visibility and calm demeanor would potentially translate into a nomination if the GOP enters a brokered convention.
  2. Serve as a potential diluter of Trump’s voting margins in order to stop DonDon from reaching the required 1,237 dellies to earn the nomination.


But following a 3rd place finish and another shitty night of shitty results, John Kasich came to his senses and dropped out of the race for the nomination. Kasich couldn’t even serve as an effective diluter of Trump’s momentum, and decided it was time to stop lighting money on fire at a rapid clip. Which means (cue the music from “Jaws”)….. wait…… no…….really?……. uh oh…..



Republican Delegate Count.png





4 thoughts on “Trump Went Full Jimmy Chitwood In Indiana

  1. Pingback: Bernie Sanders Broke Out The Campaign-Defibrillator in Indiana | NO FILTER NETWORK

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  3. Pingback: PSA Addressed To Ted Cruz and John Kasich (Less Douchey Version) | NO FILTER NETWORK

  4. Pingback: Donald Trump’s “Last Week Tonight” | NO FILTER NETWORK

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