Ted Cruz Taps Carly Fiorina for VP, Disasters Ensue

ICYMI: Ted Cruz announced this past weekend that he has tapped Carly Fiorina (politically, not sexually) to be on his potential presidential ticket as Vice President. 

(Deep breath….)


First off, it reeks of complete desperation when any presidential candidate announces his/her choice for a running mate before even securing their respective party’s nomination. It’s even more fucking desperate when you announce a Vice President for your presidential ticket when you’re in a distant second-place and have no chance of actually having a “ticket” yourself. You’re basically admitting that you need to rely on someone else’s ethos and appeal in order to allure and win-over additional voters. The Cruz Campaign has telegraphed to the entire world that it’s pulse is flatlining and the campaign has entered full Hail Mary mode.

On top of that, it’s completely absurd to nominated a Vice President / running mate that was previously a universally failed GOP presidential candidate. Republicans completely rejected Fiorina as a potential party nominee and left her in the dust early on. I mean, Fiorina was forced to drop out out Republican presidential race after only 2 primaries (Iowa and New Hampshire). Want to know why? Because she finished with a pathetic 2% of the vote in Iowa and 4% of the vote in New Hampshire. Carly failed to finish in the top-5 in either campaign, amongst a field full of pretty flawed career-politicians.


Ted Cruz and Alf


In what world would a disliked/failed VP nomination actually help the Cruz Campaign? Then again, I guess the only place to go in terms of Alf’s likeability, is up. Case in point:

After congressman Peter King said on live-television that he would rather kill himself than support Ted Cruz, former GOP Speaker of the House, John Boehner, described Ted Cruz to a Stanford University audience as:

“Lucifer in the flesh”



Anyway, since Ted Cruz has nominiated Carly Fiorina as his running mate, multiple disasters have ensued. These disasters include:

  1. The most awkward public hand-hold in the history of modern American politics. I mean, it almost looked like 2 naieve teens trying to take each other’s pants off for the first time. No one knew what to do. This incident might have been even more awkward than Brennan and Derek’s hug.




2. Carly Fiorina fell so aggressively off the stage during a campaign event that it looked like it was part of a highly-orchestrated and expensive gimmick that you would see at a Kanye concert. Not only that, it looks a lot like Fiorina was shooting down one of those big green pipes that you would see in Super Mario Brothers.











One thought on “Ted Cruz Taps Carly Fiorina for VP, Disasters Ensue

  1. Pingback: Trump Goes Full Jimmy Chitwood In Indiana | NO FILTER NETWORK

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