ICYMI: Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton “Ran Train” In The Amtrak Primaries

Disclosure #1:

If you don’t know what it means to “run train” and are above the age of 50, I highly recommend that you do not explore the internet to find any available definitions…. Let’s just say it means to “dominate”. As for those under the age of 50, it’s probably a good thing that you don’t know what this means to be honest. But for the sake of better understanding this article’s title, and further building your own street-cred via solid colloquialisms, you should probably peep what “run train” means.

Disclosure #1a:

We say “run train” in a completely figurative sense. God forbid we ever had to see either of these old-hag frontrunners running train. Hell, I’d rather see one of them be POTUS then have to be subjected to seeing either Hillary or Donald running train (get it, they’re shitty candidates).

Disclosure #2:

The Amtrak Primaries are the presidential primaries (which went down last Tuesday) held in the following states:  Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. As the intuitive son of a bitch that I’m sure you are, you have probably already concluded that this group of state primaries is referred to as the “Amtrak Primaries” due to the fact that the Amtrak transportation system passes through all of these states in what one might call the “northeast corridor”, namsayin’? The media loves to nickname shit, a la Super Tuesday and Super Tuesday 2 (real original, I know), which is why we have this technically accurate, yet uber douchey nick name for the group of primaries that went down on Tuesday.

Disclosure #2a:

No way in fucking hell will you catch me referring to the collection of primaries that went down last Tuesday (April 25th) as the “Acela Primaries”. I may be a smug, northeast-biased, douchey New Yorker who speak is god damn mind, but even I draw a line when it comes to this false-prophet(?) “Acela Primaries” malarkey. We ain’t about that life where it’s “cool” to pay an extra 75-200 bucks just so the train from NYC to Boston is 40 minutes shorter. Like I said, I may be a northeastern douchebag, but I’m not some douchey schmuck. I flaunt my bias, my relatively decent cashflow, and that’s it. We ain’t about that extra ass-fuckery.  Get it straight. Fuck that noise.




Oh shit, we were supposed to talk about the primaries that took place in Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. As focused and excited about a topic that you might be, always know the slightest emergence of an OF Urban Dictionary term can throw a thought-process off for hours, let alone days. Lucky for y’all, we recover quick. (Yes, I am over-using the term “y’all” in this post. Can you dig it?)



Basically, the voters from all 5 states gave us a repeat of what we saw go down in New York a week before the Amtrak Primaries. Americans took to the voting booths and flocked to the frontrunners, The Hilldabeast and The Donald. Somehow, these two flawed and morally bereft presidential candidates continue to rack up vote after vote as they continue their political pillaging from state to state. What does this all say about our country? (We will save that for another time). 


Donald Trump completed a clean sweep by winning all 5 state primaries last Tuesday. Trump didn’t just win, he absolutely obliterated Ted Cruz and John Kasich. There’s no way that a sane, non-egomaniacal candidate can look at these results thank think they have a legitimate chance at topping Trump. Luckily for the reality television that the 2016 Presidential Election has provided, these 2 dopes seem to be in it for the long-haul. If Kasich and Cruz were rational and/or not operating under instructions of the GOP Elite, they would have thrown in the towel after seeing these results. Peep the dellie-distribution (sounds tasty) from all 5 states following Trump’s big night and the current GOP delegate (dellie) count:





As for the Democrats:

Hillary continued to slowly and steadily stick another fork/knife in the back of Bernie Sanders, as she won all of the available states other than Rhode Island. Here’s the thing, it’s up to you to decide whether or not that fork/knife is made of sharp steel, or simply plastic. Despite Hillary’s solid victories and steady increase in the delegate count, she is still technically susceptible to a super-delegate mutiny in which many dellies switch over to the Sanders camp. As much as the media wants to convince you that this is a done deal and that the nomination is Hillary’s, there are still some very important and realistic issues at play that may keep Clinton away from the nomination. Regardless, Maryland and Pennsylvania were YUGE for her. Peep the Amtrak Primary results and current delegate count in the Democratic Presidential Race:






At this point, seeing Trump and Clinton win so many state primaries has me like:











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