Yeah son. You read that correctly.
Ted Cruz Has Sought World Domination His Entire Life. How do I know this to be true? All I needed to do was read a bio on Cruz from his high school days. Peep this shit right hurrr, specifically the final paragraph:
Holy shit. That final paragraph tells you pretty much everything you need to know about Ted Cruz. Alf has been on a power-hungry warpath for the past 25 years in the hopes of attaining the most ultimate power bestowed upon any mere mortal on this Planet Earth: becoming The Leader of the Free World, as The President of the United States. In other words, Cruz has been seeking to attain world domination since he was a virgin. Actually, considering Teddy was probably a virgin for quite some time, we can say that Cruz has been seeking to attain world domination since his teenage years.
Listen, obviously I’m hating on Cruz. But I can’t deny that I’ve actually come away more impressed with Alf after reading his high school bio. The dude has straight up accomplished every single fucking thing that he hoped/planned to do in that final paragraph. Cruz attended Princeton as an undergrad and ended up graduating from Harvard Law as well. Cruz has established a solid career in politics for over a decade and is now 1 of 5 finalists in the race for the United States Presidency (I feel like I’m talking about The Bachelor when I use the term “finalist”). That’s some motherfucking prophetic Oracle shit.
I’m kind of torn now about how I feel about Cruz. I respect the shit out of the fact that he has swung his D below the knees and worked extremely hard to accomplish many of his goals. However, it is kind of scary to see how robotic and future-oriented Cruz really is. I mean, you kind of need to either by crazy or an egomaniac to want to be the POTUS. There are so many other rewarding, power-giving, and money-producing jobs out there that don’t come with the same extreme stress and scrutiny that the US Presidency does. I’m not really sure how Ted Cruz might act if he ever became the President. Lord knows a majority of Alf’s colleagues hate his fucking guts.
Anyway, imagine how Ted Cruz must feel at this very moment in the race for the Republican nomination. Cruz is so damn close to attaining his goal of ultimate power via the US Presidency, which he has worked towards for over 2 decades. Cruz is so close that he can taste. Now imagine how Ted Cruz must feel to know that his life-time goal will most likely not be reached in 2016 due to a giant, scorching-hot, human kamikaze named Donald J Trump.