Monday Morning Thrones

Well friends, it’s been just about a year since we last witnessed some good ole Westerosi “tits and dragons” as Ian McShane would say. Thrones came back in a BIG way last night. As with all season premieres, there was a lot of content covered. The time has finally come to sift through it all.

Seasos 5 concluded with many cliff hangers, and a lot of characters that needed to be checked in on. So, as is usually the case with GoT premieres (and season premieres in general) the story line jumped around from region to region to play some catch-up. But that didn’t make it any less riveting. Here’s where we’re at…

At The Wall, Jon Snow is DEAD. He’s as dead as can be, sadly. Ser Davos has shacked up with his dead corpse, along with with Jon’s direwolf, Ghost, and some loyal members of the The Watch. Alliser Thorne is bent on disposing of Jon’s body, but Davos has other plans as he sent out Dolorous Edd to notify Tormund and the wildlings about the assassination. Until then, it looks like Davos and Ghost will have to go HAM (more on Ghost later). Melisandre’s dubious return to Castle Black has stillnot gained legs, but we did find out that she is questioning her faith, and that she is also a decrepit old woman in sheep’s clothing. Despite this, Davos is determined to utilize her powers.

In the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Lannisters: Jamie has returned from his tragically unsuccesful trip to Dorne and Cersei finds out about Myrcella’s death. During a great dialogue with Jamie, she is found in shambles. Unable to comprehend how her “pure” daughter could be lost just as her brother was. Although her emotional fragility hasn’t changed much from last season, she now has Jamie by her side and they are bent on shoving “prophecy” allll up in the ass of their enemies (FWIW: that was a pretty cool story line dichotomy between Jamie/Cersei and Melisandre’s specifics struggles with “prophecy” this ep). It’s The Lannisters and Ser Robert Strong against the world!

We also witnessed the Sand Snake coup d’etat in Dorne this week. Ellaria stayed schemin’ with her cronies and somehow managed to take out Aero Hotah, Doran and Trystane in one fell swoop. The outlook is obvious, they’re gunnin for the Lannisters.

In Mereen, things are looking bleak. Tyrion and Varys may be over their heads governing the common folk while The Sons of the Harpy are on the loose. Danerys is still missing, although Jorah and Daario are in hot pursuit. Here’s to hoping this plot line doesn’t get bogged down with Dany earning the respect and following of the Dothraki. Let’s rinse and move on, please Benioff & Weiss.

The same can be said for Arya. She is a badass mofo. And in the books, her character arc in Baraavos is scintillating. But, Benioff & Weiss have not entirely been able to capture the essence of her persistence to the Many Faced God. Hopefully she is able to regain her sight soon and continue her warpath to vengeance.


Reckless Speculation

What the fuck is good in Dorne?

On the real, Benioff & Weiss have fucked the Dorne plot up horribly since the beginning. Other than Oberyn being the bad mofo he is, the Dorne we know from the books, and the Dorne we know from the show are night/day. You’re telling me that Ellaria and the sand snakes seized the throne by killing 3 people? That’s a revolution that would even impress Fidel Castro. On the real though, Prince Doran is supposed to be a leader that is always thinking 2 steps ahead. To think that he allowed Ellaria to scheme him in the way she did is almost incomprehensible. I don’t mean to come off as a book homer, but Dorne was a great part of the novels, especially in A Dance With Dragons. I guess the only reasonable expectation from here is that Ellaria and the snakes (sounds like a 60s classic rock band) will engage in full scale warfare with the Lannisters now.

The show has nailed pretty much everything in their “post book” adventure other than Dorne, and hopefully they can clean it up moving forward.

Who the fuck are the “Sand Snakes,” really?

In essence, the snakes are all of the bastard born children of Oberyn Martell, i.e. any/all children born out of wedlock. In the case of the world renowned sex freak, it’s basically a small army. Their name is derived from the bastard surname for nobles in Dorne, “Sand,” in the same manner that bastards in Westeros exclusive from Dorne are appointed the name “Snow.” They are supposedly very loyal to the throne, and to their blood relative Prince Doran, as he is the brother of Oberyn, but apparently not as loyal as we once thought. Oberyn himself trained his three oldest daughters in combat extensively, as exhibited they are fierce warriors. 

How will Jon be revived?

As much as HBO wants you to believe that Kit Harrington was flown into Ireland this summer simply to play a corpse, house money is on that he will be revived. How that is done exactly is still up for serious debate. Quite clearly, Melisandre’s return to Castle Black was very dubious timing… You have to think that she will play some type of role, especially because the show took the time to introduce the Brotherhood Without Banners for no apparent reason, other than to exhibit Thoros of Myr’s ability to revive people with magic. ICYMI: Melisandre and Thoros both practice the same magic.

Also, pretty strange how much emphasis was paid to Jon’s direwolf, Ghost, huh? We can go a whole season without mention of the master/direwolf relationship and last night it was front in center… Could Jon have the ability (like his brother Bran) to warg into animals? The idea is hinted to as much in the prologue of “Dance With Dragons….”

Where will Sanza, Theon, Brienne and Pod go from here?

Things are finally looking like they’re on the up and up for Sansa. She’s straight outta the clutches of the Boltons. She was told that Bran, Rickon, Arya and Jon are still alive and she just had Brienne swear her allegiance to her. So, where do they go from here? Well it seems quite obvious that they will be journeying to Castle Black to meet up with her half-brother’s dead corpse. It’s particularly telling that Melisandre saw in the flames Jon Snow leading an army on the Winterfell battlefield. So let’s hope she’s right about this one and that Sansa & Co. traverse safely to Castle Black, Jon is reborn, and he decides to retake Winterfell along with bannermen loyal to the North.

Who is leading The Sons of the Harpy?

It’s become abundantly clear that the Harpy are highly organized and tactical. their siege on the fighting pits and their most recent assault on Dany’s fleet are evidence. But are these attacks really possible without the guidance of an evil leader? My guess is no, and that this mysterious demagogue is one who is close to Dany. Let the speculation begin, but my bet is on Daario… I never did trust him since they changed actors in season 4.

That’s all for now… Check back later in the week for a pre-cap on episode 2 “Home” to get the down-low on presumed returns for Bran and the Iron Islands.





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