ICYMI: Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton brought the ruckus in the New York Presidential Primaries this past Tuesday.
Republican and Democratic New Yorkers took to the voting booths to cast their ballots after seeing this circus of an primary season play out over the past 3.5 months. However, New Yorkers had a rather different voting experience than earlier primary voters of say Iowa or New Hampshire. That’s because there were only a combined 5 candidates listed on the Republican and Democratic ballots, as opposed to the 15 candidates that started in Iowa. With a limited number options, New Yorkers turned to 2 of the most unlikeable presidential candidates in recent memory: The Donald and The Hilldabeast.
As we covered in our 2 previews of the NY Primaries, Trump and Clinton were very likely to clean up in NY with relative ease. The Donald is a born and raise New Yorker; The Hilldabeast is a former NY Senator and touts herself as a New Yorker whenever politically convenient. Knowing this, it’s not some super fucking Oracle-like premonition to accurately predict the GOP and DNC frontrunners would go big in the Big Apple. But Trump and Clinton came away with margins of victory over the 2nd-place finishers of 35% and 16%, respectively! Woah.
That’s absolute fucking domination, folks. We figured Trump would finish with around 50% of the Republican vote, while Clinton would beat Bernie Sanders by less than a 10% margin. Contrary to our relatively arbitrary predictions, the GOP and DNC frontrunners shattered the shit out of our expectations. Trump finished with 60% of the NY vote while Hillary Clinton put the mathematical fork in Bernie Sanders (who is actually from New York).
Peep these GOP results of the NY Presidential Primary:
Looks like ALF (Ted Cruz) probably wishes he didn’t take a big shit on New Yorkers and their values a few months back during 1 of the 2,200 GOP debates. In a weak-ass ill-conceived attack against Donald Trump, Cruz suggested that Trump is not morally-sound simply because he hails from The Big Apple. Hmmm, how’d that work out for your Alf? The New York Primary was the biggest blow the Cruz Campaign has endured in recent weeks and severely damages Cruz’s chances of coming close to the required delegate-count to win the nomination. Tough luck, Teddy.
The Donald pretty much had the polar opposite night that Alf did. DonDon accomplished 2 YUGE feats Tuesday night that should have his campaign relatively satisfied this week:
- Trump broke the 60% voter threshold in a state primary for the first time.
- Trump the 50% voter threshold, which means he was guaranteed pretty much +65% of the delegates.
As for Johnny Boy Kasich… well, he actually provided us with a bit of a shocker, to be straight with y’all. In our NY Primary preview, we expected to Kasich to come in third despite Cruz’s moronic criticisms of New Yorkers. I guess it turns out that New Yorkers are kinda-sorta-maybe rationale when it comes to national politics. Kasich is clearly the most moderate and least unlikeable GOP candidate remaining. Over 25% of New Yorkers agreed with that sentiment and decided to vote with some relative common sense. Don’t be surprised if the Republican Establishment is taking note of Kasich’s solid performance in NY, given the circumstances. The solid showing by Johnny Boy in NY may indicate that some voters would be happy if Kasich was nominated during a Brokered/Contested Convention. Then again, Kasich has only won 1 fucking state during this entire primary season (his own state, by the way). Ok, enough with the Grand Ole Psychopaths.
Peep these Democratic results of the NY Presidential Primary:
Is there really anything else to say that the results above don’t already state? New Yorkers flocked to The Hilldabeast in troves in what I believe was the same phenomenon that provided John Kasich +25% of the GOP vote. New Yorkers casted their ballots for what they believed to be the “safest” or “moderate” or “predictable” candidate. Hillary represents “experience” (as ludicrous and hypocritical as that is) to a majority of voters. When contrasted against Bernie Sanders, who many in the media will paint as an old cranky socialist, Clinton appears even more of a “logical” and “safe pick.
While Hillary only picked up 29 delegates on The Brooklyn Brawler, the NY Primary must’ve been a tough pill to swallow for the Sanders Campaign. Bernie failed to get within single digits of Hillary Clinton in the state he was born in. With the humongous 247 dellies on the line, Bernie really need a big win in the Big Apple to change the momentum of the Democratic race. Instead, the Sanders Campaign has been forced to re-evaluate strategy and ultimate objectives as the math (mainly due to Super Delegates) digressed further out of his favor.
It’ll be interesting to see what The Brooklyn Brawler decides to do. The Clinton Campaign will be extremely aggressive and attempt to paint Bernie as an asshole for continuing his run for the nomination despite the math. In fact, some of The Hilldabeast’s slimy sycophants have already started to claim that Sanders is somehow a stubborn jerk who hates the DNC if he continues to run. Here’s a gem from a “Senior Clinton Aide” courtesy of Gawker:
“We kicked his ass tonight,” a senior Clinton aide told me Tuesday night. “I hope this convinces Bernie to tone it down. If not, fuck him.”
That’s pretty outta fucking control, folks. “Tone it down” is a favorite term of the Clinton army. They think that The Hilldabeast is entitled to the Democratic nomination, let alone the presidency. As a result, they operate under the narcissistic assumption that anyone in Hillary’s way is a total asshole (ironic, huh?). Regardless, it seems that Bernie’s most devout supporters are not hearing any of it. In a solid attempt to mock the Clinton Campaign’s ultimate wishes and horseshit, the hashtag “#TURNDOWNFORWHAT ended up trending on Twitter the next day. I’m excited to see what the Sanders Campaign does going forward. I expect Debbie Wasserman-Schultz will have some stern words for BernBern.
Side note: The fact that this stupid Lil Jon song has over 460 Million views definitely doesn’t positively reflect society’s intellect and musical taste.
We Back, son.