Danny Willet’s Brother Is The Fuckin’ Man

As I’m sure you heard already, Joran Spieth straight up shit the fucking bed on the back-9 of last round at The Masters.

To say that Spieth “collapsed” with a QUADRUPLE-BOGEY on the 12th hole of the last round is a severe understatement. The most modest and conservative way to adequately represent what Spieth did is “shit the bed”. That’s the god damn baseline. From there, you could say Spieth chocked like a fucking dog, or that he got the yips (I know “the yips” isn’t technically vulgar, but just hearing the word can send an athlete into PTSD in a heartbeat). After leading for 65 holes, Jordan sent 2 shots in a row straight into the AGUA. The “splash” that followed Spieth’s 2 iron shots was the opposite of the “splash” that follows Steph Curry jumpers. Basically: Jordan, ended up, Crying.

 

Best Crying Jordan Meme

 

Meanwhile… Danny Willet shot a brilliant round of golf on Sunday finishing up with a 67, which was good enough to take home the green jacket this year. No one, including CBS, and Augusta National itself, actually realized that Willet was poised to win the tournament until the dude was basically done playing. Given that Spieth (the last player) had his +4 on the 12th-hole, obviously there wasn’t much time to show Willet finishing his round. I guess the minimal screen-time for The Masters champion was more a reflection of everyone riding Spieth’s nuts all weekend.

While Spieth shitting the bed will go down as one of the worst choke-jobs ever, and Willet’s comeback victory will go down as one of the most surprising major wins ever, neither factor was the MOST IMPORTANT or BEST part of The Masters weekend. Oh no. In fact, the person responsible for the most important tidbit of The Masters weekend wasn’t even on the course at Augusta.

Danny Willet’s brother,  Pete (PJ), was the most important, fantastic, and purely magical element of this Masters weekend. PJ spent his Sunday getting shitfaced watching his baby bro live the fucking dream by playing golf for money on television. Clearly PJ didn’t wake up Sunday morning thinking he would see his brother Danny win the green jacket. Pete spent the day live-tweeting the events of the tournament. But as Spieth’s choke-job began to commence, PJ Willet’s drunkenness began to hit a peak. That peak of drunkenness was artfully translated through the beautiful medium that is Twitter.

Feast your eyes on this progression of tweets via Pete Willet. Once the window of opportunity opened up for his brother Danny, PJ started bring that fucking heat on Twitter. To say that PJ ridiculously funny and honest would be an understatement. No Filter Network wants WAY MORE of this in professional athletics. PJ pivoted back and forth between making fun of Spieth for being one of the slowest fucking golfers ever (incase you haven’t realized yourself yet, he is) and making fun of his brother by telling him not to blow it. And without further ado…

 

I’m not taking credit for this joke, but I legit said something like on Sunday regarding how slow Spieth plays (minus the “paint the spare room”).

The “xxxx” is in reference to Willet rooting for Spieth to finish the 12th-hole with a quadruple-bogey. I can’t imagine how nervous PJ was, even with his intense inebriation. 

Too funny. 

And now here comes the real gems of the night. God Bless America, and God Bless Twitter: 

Once Danny finished his round at Augusta, PJ shifted his focus from threateningly mocking his brother, to taunting Spieth. 

#WHATATIMETOBEALIVE

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