ICYMI: The first presidential primary of April went down last night in Wisconsin.
On the Republican side, Ted Cruz headed into the night with high hopes of winning Wisconsin. The Republican Establishment has mobilized hardbody in The Badger State against Donald Trump over the past 2 weeks. While politicians and failed candidates like Scott Walker and Jeb Bush have endorsed Cruz, their true objectives are simply deterring Trump. Most of them still hate Ted with a passion. The GOP simply hates The Donald significantly more. Somewhere, John Kasich is saying “Can’t we all just get along?”. Seriously, this is basically how an unfiltered version of what every GOP member is thinking about each other:
All jokes aside, it turns out that the Republican’s plan actually worked to a degree. Cruz came away with a 1st-place victory, winning 48.2% of the vote and 36 of 42 delegates. Trump finished up with 35.1% of the vote and only 6 dellies. Cruz basically did exactly what he needed to in Wisconsin. Unfortunately for Alf, there’s really no shot that he passes Trump in terms of delegates won (he basically needs to do this in every state). And lord knows that the GOP will not support Cruz once the vote gets to a brokered convention. Meanwhile, Kasich is unknowingly floating in a weird campaign purgatory; Johnny Boy’s chances of earning the nomination are pretty much dead. Yet Kasich continues to basically light donor money on fire with the hopes that if he sticks around, a brokered convention may go his way (fat chance son).
I wonder what names were written down for the 2.6% “Other”? I have a feeling it was a fun little combination of Bush-Bloomberg-Rubio-Kanye-Romney.
As for the Donkeys:
As we predicted (did we?), Bernie Sanders came away with a big W in Wisconsin. Sanders gained serious momentum with the Cheeseheads over the past 10-14 days and ultimately capitalized. Sanders ended up winning 56.6% of the vote and 48 of the 86 dellies available. Unfortunately for the Brooklyn Brawler, The Hilldabeast wasn’t exactly a no-show in The Badger State. Clinton came away with 43.1% of the vote and 38 delegates. Sanders has pretty much zero chance of winning the nomination at this point, short of a federal indictment against his opponent. Sanders laid down like a dog for Wasserman-Schultz and Hillary for too long and allowed his deficit to grow too large. That said, it’s been dope as fuck to see the Sanders Campaign finally get a bit feisty and challenge Hillary on a variety of her inconsistencies and straight up lies as of late. While Bernie is pretty much doneski, I would love to see him keep winning states. The money keeps flowing to The Brooklyn Brawler, so his continued campaign doesn’t hinge on resources. The campaign only hinges on Sander’s desire to keep spreading his message. Who knows, if Bernie keeps beating Hillary, maybe the Democratic superdelegates will switch over from the dark side.
I’m guessing the 3,201 people that voted for “Other” were hoping Martin O’Malley could be resurrected from the dead.