What To Expect During Tonight’s Democratic Debate

Folks, you’re in luck. The DNC is holding ANOTHER DEBATE ON A WEEKEND NIGHT. Which means you will most likely not be watching. This is also an absolute joke. The DNC and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz have scheduled 5 debates on weekends so far with the obvious intentions of limiting viewership of Hillary’s terrible like-ability. Sunday is the best television night of the week. It doesn’t get more obvious than this. But I digress… 

Here’s a few things that I guarantee you will see during the Democratic Debate tonight featuring The Brooklyn Brawler and The Hilldabeast: 

  1. Bernie Sanders will say pronounce words that end with “er” as “a” and words that end with “a”, as “er”. Key Examples: “Idear”, “Votahhs”.
  2. Hillary Clinton will be sporting a weird-ass wardrobe that resembles a Ancient Mongolian Emperor and a 1990’s Businesswoman. 
  3. Hillary Clinton’s voice will croak ungodly amounts of times. It will hurt my soul toClinton and Sanders the core. 
  4. Bernie Sanders will have both of his hands raised quite high while talking for 90% of the time he talks. If you were to put it in slo-mo, it’d look like Bernie was dropping a hot beat and breaking it down lyrically. 
  5. Bernie Sanders will have both of his hands gripped very tightly around the back corners of the podium. Power stance. 
  6. Hillary and Bernie will each reference the injustices of the Flint Michigan population over 20 times (rightly so). 
  7. Hillary and Bernie will not talk about the clear and obvious roles that the Government, specifically Democratic politicians, played in the Flint Water Crisis.
  8. Hillary will hijack Bernie’s main talking points as she slowly has over the past 2 months. If you haven’t been paying attention, she’s been getting uber-populist lately too. It’s almost laughable how contradictory to her record and recent states all of this is. 
  9. Donald Trump will be referred to as “unfit” for the presidency several times. 
  10. CNN Moderators will repeatedly bring up this Donald Trump says as an easy way to show the 2 candidates in a gentle / positive light. 
  11. Hillary will somehow claim that the powerful and upper-level people of society should have to pay for their transgressions. Hillary has done this quite a bit the past few weeks. It is absolutely amazing that she can have the balls to lie to people so blatantly when she fits that description perfectly. But then again, I guess I would have those balls too if people had believed my lies for multiple decades. 
  12. CNN will most likely not bring up any very tricky questions to the candidates that will show how they have pivoted and contradicted themselves over the years. You will not see anything like what Fox News has done during the Republican Debates. 
  13. CNN will do an overall solid job. They always do during the debates. 
  14. Bernie Sanders will continue to not attack Hillary and all of her flaws. Sanders has consistently displayed his commitment to supporting the Democratic party overall and hasn’t thrown Hillary’s name in the mud (when there’s lots of mud to be thrown.). 
  15. Nothing that great will happen. It’s just a fucking debate. 
  16. Anderson Cooper will look handsome. 

 

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